Sometimes saying “no” to others is really saying “yes” to caring for yourself.
I’m not sure about you but I have struggled with the idea of saying “no” many times in my life. I still struggle with it. I wouldn’t say that, for me, it is because I am a people pleaser. I can stand up for myself when I need to (thanks to many years of hard work).I have learned not to care if people like me. As long as I live by my morals, I am happy with who I am, regardless of what anyone else thinks. So, why do I have such a hard time saying no?
Being overly goal-oriented can wear you out.
I have a lot of goals. If something comes up which can help me attain those goals, I jump in lock, stock and barrel without even bothering to think what it might do to me to try to keep up with my many commitments. Of course, I always find a moment when it all sinks in and I say to myself, “You need to take a break!”
The people who care for you want you to take care of yourself.
Another reason I have struggled to say “no” on many occasions is because I care so much about the people I love. It isn’t about wanting to please them. I don’t feel like I must always help them in order to earn their love or appreciation. I just like to see them happy and I can to help them feel that way. What is important to remember, however, is that it is hard to take care of someone else when I don’t take care of myself.
Being perpetually helpful robs other people of the opportunity to find pride in caring for themselves.
One of the things I have found most helpful in my own quest to become less helpful is to remember that I can actually do more harm than good at times by always being there for others. Sometimes it is good for the other person to figure something out for him or herself. Sometimes waiting a few minutes to call someone back instead of answering the phone right away gives him or her a chance to come to a conclusion about a problem. If I were always there and did everything for everyone else, how would they ever learn to do anything for themselves? How good would they feel about themselves?
Some helpful articles about personal boundaries and saying NO
- Seven Things That Happened when I Started Saying No
- 14 Helpful Ways to Kick Your People Pleasing Habit
- Three Reasons Why I Struggled with Saying No
- How to Learn to Say No
- 10 Ways to Build and Preserve Better Boundaries
- Your Fear of Upsetting Others by Saying No Might be Overblown and Here’s Why
- Healthy Personal Boundaries and How to Establish Them
- Learning to Say No is Deeply Empowering
- 10 Guilt-Free Strategies For Saying No
- Begin to Set Personal Boundaries
- Don’t Be a Doormat and Learn to Say No