Many of us have anger that is within us that we are unaware of until it looms its ugly head. Normally it is launched at another being during times that we find particularly challenging for us, leaving us with more guilt and shame afterward once we have come back to center. This can be a burden for so many people but how can we stop? How can we find a way to control our anger to even better, lose it all together.
I have heard so many times where someone has simply lost their temper and lashed out at an innocent bystander or even worse, someone they love. What is this anger and why do we have it?
What We Learned About Anger Growing Up
It is very common to see that many people cannot control their emotions but why? One of the reasons is simply their childhood. This sounds like a total cliché but what I learned from reading Conversations with God, Book 3, was that many people cannot control their emotions because they never learned how to. How many times do we say as parents, ‘stop crying’ or, ‘put a smile on your face’ and of course, what do those children do? They smile! They smile because they want to be loved, they want to be loved by their parents or guardians and so they do as they are told to receive that but where does that leave them? Usually, it leaves them unable to deal with negative emotions that then arise in the future. A lot of people put on a brave face when they are feeling very broken inside and a lot of the time they just snap. This doesn’t need to be a huge dramatic explosion every time but it can cause them to get overly upset in an argument with their partner or get upset about things that don’t seem worth getting upset about.
“You can’t give what you don’t have” —Dr. Wayne Dyer, 21 Days to Inner Peace
Anger problems are actually very common but many people don’t admit it, but I will. I had an anger problem for years. I never physically hurt anyone, I wouldn’t even shout very often but when I did I felt powerless and I had no control. Most of the time I would keep my anger inside of me and just sit there feeling my blood boil and I hated it. I hated not feeling myself. I am now extremely grateful that this has not happened to me for a long time. The way I managed to channel it into some better was to firstly, find my creativity. Who has time for anger when their days are filled with something that they love? The second was to be totally aware and take responsibility. What you resist persists and although I am a great believer in staying positive I do also believe that if something is occurring to make you lose your temper then it is worth exploring. When you face something head on the problem seems to fade away.
Inner Healing for Anger
We all have our inner wounds from childhood, past relationships, work problems. We all have stuff that we may not know that we are holding onto but we are and it is vital that we allow whatever we are holding onto to go before we can even begin to live a balanced life.
“When fear is taken from you, all else can be taken from you and you will not be angry.” —Neale Donald Walsch, Conversations with God
However, these issues can only be solved when we are not in the midst of them. If we are in the middle of a blowout and we have lost our temper then there is just way too much energy to deal with to even contemplate trying to stay calm or deal with things. At this stage, it is best to just ride it out. The healing has to come from us when we are calm, otherwise, we’ll never feel like we are getting anyway!
Feeling the Emotions
Feeling an emotion is one of the most frightening things for some people and they simply cannot bear to think about it so they push it out. Unfortunately, the more this is done the more likely it is that it will build up and eventually manifest into a physical illness. We must speak ever so kindly to ourselves and go gently. If there is a certain problem that we are dealing with and it hurts to think about it then next time, do the opposite. Don’t push it away, don’t ignore it. Your emotions only come up to the surface to heal, there is nothing more to it than that. When you next feel this pain go and lay down with it, feel the pain. It will probably hurt in the area of a chakra so just allow it to do so. After a while, and probably a few tears, you will begin to feel a release like something heavy is leaving your body. This is when you know you’ve done something good for yourself.
This whole process can take a while but it is so worth it. We can’t ignore our hurts forever, this doesn’t help anyone and it certainly doesn’t help you. Look your pain in the eye and know that anger is just trapped emotions desperate to get out. The longer you keep them hidden deep down the more aggressive they will be when they jump out at us. The more you do this the calmer you will feel during every situation and before long, you will feel like a totally new person.